


Talking to Yourself

by DownToTheSea



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Light Angst, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:35:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22811734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DownToTheSea/pseuds/DownToTheSea
Summary: The last stage of Ezri's zhian'tara.
Relationships: Ezri Dax & Jadzia Dax
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 5





	Talking to Yourself

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kanadka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanadka/gifts).



“I don’t know what I’m doing.” It wasn’t the first time Ezri had admitted it, but it was the first time she had admitted it to her former self – well, sort of her former self, because only  _ part  _ of herself used to be Jadzia, and now she was missing that part again because it was in Kira instead and –

She pinched the bridge of her nose and decided it was better if she started over.

But before she could, Jadzia interrupted. Her personality sparkled out of the depths of Kira’s eyes, and it unaccountably made Ezri want to start crying right then and there. How was it this incredible woman had died and left  _ her  _ with Dax?

“I didn’t know what I was doing either,” Jadzia said, giving her a small grin. “Not at first. All the training in the universe can’t really prepare you for it.”

Ezri was sure she meant it in a comforting way, but it felt like just another prick in her ever-deflating balloon. “Ok, sure, but at least you  _ had  _ training! Years and years of it. I got a – a five-minute crash course, most of which was ‘hey, sorry but we’re making you take on this huge responsibility that you never wanted, wrong place wrong time!’”

She sank down onto a nearby couch and buried her face in her hands. “Sorry, sorry… I shouldn’t be wasting my time with you whining,” she said with an unsteady laugh.

Jadzia sat next to her, touching her shoulder. “No, I’m sorry,” she said. “It was hard enough to adjust when I was prepared for it, and taking on Dax was my choice. I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s been like for you.”

Ezri lifted her head a little, staring at the unremarkable grey floor through her fingers. “I just… I know by myself, without Dax, I wasn’t a genius like you, or even good at, well, much of anything _.  _ But at least I knew who I was. Even if Ezri Tigan wasn’t very impressive, I don’t… I don’t want to lose her. Lose myself.”

Jadzia rubbed her shoulder gently, a far-off look on her face. Ezri wondered what Jadzia had been like before Joining, and if there was any part of her that had felt the same way Ezri did. After a while, Jadzia asked, “You said you never got any training?” There was a look on her face Ezri couldn’t interpret.

She shrugged. “The Symbiosis Commission did what they could after the fact, but it hasn’t been much.”

Her eyes glittered, and now Ezri recognized the look from her own memories. “I’m not the Symbiosis Commission.”

“Audrid was,” Ezri said on instinct. “I – she –  _ ugh!” _

“No thinking about Audrid,” Jadzia said, pointing at her. “This is about Ezri Tigan.”

“That’s my problem,” Ezri groaned. “I’m  _ trying  _ not to think about it and that just makes me think more about it.”

“If you want, I could give you a few pointers,” Jadzia offered. “We don’t have time to go over everything, but maybe it would help.”

“I would love that,” she said eagerly, desperate for any aid. And maybe she could get an answer to her questions. It wasn’t something she felt comfortable bringing up with other Trill, since her negative feelings about Joining were hardly encouraged, but she was quite literally talking to herself here. She wasn’t likely to rat herself out, she thought wryly.

“Don’t suppose we could go to Quark’s? It’s a lot more lively.”

Ezri hesitated. “Um, I’m not sure if we’re really supposed to leave the room…”

Jadzia grinned, throwing an arm around her shoulders. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna pull a Curzon.”

Dubious, Ezri relented, and they sailed out of the room.

“Besides,” Jadzia said. “Dax wouldn’t like you so much if you weren’t at least a little bit of a rule-breaker.”


End file.
